id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
