people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
