I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
