so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
