So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
