Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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