I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize