I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
