Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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