Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
