Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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