I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
