He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
