Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
