ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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