I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
