There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
