I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
