Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
