I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
