Are we in a gay sports bar?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
