we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
