I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
