We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
