i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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