So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
