Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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