scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
