saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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