anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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