I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
