Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
