I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
