dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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