Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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