Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
