This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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