fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
