I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So much Jack, so little girl.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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