i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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