Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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