I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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