how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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