I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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