We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
