Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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