What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
