I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
