I wish my penis had an off switch
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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