mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
