Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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