I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
