New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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