Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
