Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
