I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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