So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
