even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
