Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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