Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
