I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
