I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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