Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
