This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
