Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
