sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
