i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I die, sorry about rent.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
