Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
