I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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