why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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