Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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