I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He had one of those small greek statue penises
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
