Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
