Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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