So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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