All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
