I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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