tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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