Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
