u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize