lets start a swedish sibling band together
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
