I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
