I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sick fucks of a feather flock together
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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