eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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