i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize