His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
