Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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