we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
