you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
