areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
