he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My penis needs a shock collar
This is classic penis vs brain.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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