She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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