I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
