What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
time to smoke my breakfast
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
