i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
