Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
