happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
