Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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